Find Me
by Luna1120
Summary: Fire should scare away everyone. Fire should scare away even the most courageous of people. But not Hope. For Hope... Hope has a secret. And it's a secret she's been hiding for years... Because, in actuality, it's her Alice everyone should be afraid of.
1. Chapter 1

**Hiya everyone! I've been sorta, completely, totally obsessed with Gakuen Alice for a while now, and I have this character stuck in my head… So, I figured I should write about her before I forgot completely. XD**

**You should know: Mikan and Natsume are just friends, they are all around sixteen, and Natsume's sister really isn't in the picture right now. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice**

A new face walked the halls of Alice Academy nervously. She was about sixteen, but a few inches shorter than the other girls her age. Her dusky blonde hair was tied up in a pony tail that hung down her back. Her brown eyes were scanning the halls, looking desperately for her class. A new student was weird in high school. Most kids found out about their Alice's before middle school, therefore all the kids grew up together.

She sighed and chewed on her lower lip, making it pinker than it already was. She took a shaky, deep breath before opening the door that she had been dreading to open. She had to pass some sort of test to stay in the school… She had to be accepted by everyone in the class. She was nervous; friend-making was not her specialty. She was kind… but she didn't attract people as gracefully as other people managed. Not to mention, if she got kicked out of school again, she wouldn't have anywhere to go… This was her last chance.

The door squeaked and she felt everyone's eyes follow her as she walked to the front of the room where the teacher beckoned her with his hand. She heard snickers coming from all corners of the classroom and felt her heart squeeze inside her chest painfully.

She knew they wouldn't love her at first, she wasn't even Japanese. She was from England and had an odd accent when she spoke Japanese. Her name was also English, making her stand out like a sore thumb. She was the outsider in more ways than one.

"Everyone, this is Hope." She heard more laughs. "She just transferred from England. Please welcome her." He pointed to a seat in the back of the class and she trudged up to her new seat. There were two boys sitting there, one blonde with striking blue eyes. And the other, who had his feet up on the desk and earrings pierced in his ears. He was intimidating and sent her a glare, almost asking her to defy him.

"Hello…" muttered Hope. Her lip was pink and raw from nerves. She had been to a type of academy like this before, she had trained alongside other special kids, but none of them ever seemed to openly hate her like she was hated now. A girl with auburn hair in pigtails sent her a smile across the room and she gladly smiled back. Maybe they weren't all bad… She could survive…

A girl with springy hair walked up to her with a high and mighty air about her. Great… "So, new girl."

"My name's Hope…" interrupted Hope, her voice sounding like a squeak in comparison.

"New girl, what's your Alice." Curly haired girl crossed her arms and lifted one of her eyebrows expectantly.

Everyone's eyes drifted to the two of them. Hopes face was turning red and her eyes were cast down. She hated when people asked her about her Alice. She had one, that wasn't even a question. The problem was that no one ever believed her. She couldn't show people her Alice like other people could. She couldn't levitate anyone or read someone's mind. She couldn't build anything amazing or make hallucinations… Her bangs fell into her face and she didn't bother to tuck them back behind her ear. She wanted to be swallowed up by the Earth. However, she was never quite that lucky.

The boy next to her with the earrings stared at her with a sidelong glance. She reminded him a bit of Mikan when she first arrived. He glared again, that was the last thing he needed. Another Mikan. To be "saved". No one could save him, not even Mikan, who was the kindest person anyone had ever met. A smile never left her eager face. If Mikan couldn't save him, then this girl would never get the chance to disappoint him. He wouldn't stand for it.

"Speak up, what's your Alice?" Hope didn't answer yet again, and this time the boy with the earrings spoke up.

"Hurry up and tell us." He put down the manga he was reading. "You're being annoying." She looked up at him with her large brown eyes that had golden specks in them.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

The springy haired girl "humphed" and looked desperately at the boy with earrings. "Natsume, what are you going to do?" She reminded Hope of a lovesick puppy. Hope looked for the girl with pigtails for help, but she was engrossed in a conversation with a girl with short black hair.

She glanced at the boy again, who was staring intently, making her blush even fiercer.

"Tell us or I'll make you cry." She looked up, this time completely, tucking her bangs behind her ears. She lost the helplessness about her and gained curiosity.

"Make me cry?" She smiled softly. "You can't."

Curly haired girl looked appalled. "Don't tell him what he can and cannot do!"

"Why not?" She was so innocent and couldn't see the fire brewing in Natsume's eyes. "He doesn't look special to me." He stood up and grabbed her roughly by the pony tail. She gasped and held her scalp from the pain.

"Come on Ruka." He started walking out the door, dragging Hope by the hair. Ruka stopped for a second but stood up anyways, obeying Natsume, following him out of the door. "She doesn't think she'll cry. We made Mikan cry before. She cries every day."

"Mikan's different though…" Ruka looked at Hope with a glimmer of pity as her feet tried to keep up with Natsume without tripping. She was squirming and trying to keep up while he held onto her hair with a firm grip.

"She's no different from Mikan. She's an idiot and ugly. She's probably just as big of a cry baby and deserves it one way or another."

"I do not deserve this!" piped Hope. "I didn't do anything, let me go! Now!" She squirmed again and ended up in a worse position than before.

"What are we going to do?" They had gotten outside, past the courtyard, into the woods. Natsume let go of her and shoved her backwards. "How are you so confident that we can't make you cry?" He seemed intrigued more than anything else.

"Because you just can't.

Natsume held a ball of menacing fire in his hand. "I'll prove you wrong." He held it menacingly in front of her. Based on what he saw in the classroom, he was expecting her to crawl away from him, bawling from fear. She didn't seem to be good at confrontation of any kind. Fire would ultimately be her defeat, just like it was to everyone else.

"Ooh, fire… Scary." She furrowed her eyebrows and stared at him straight in his eyes, determined. His eyes were crazy with rage of her not being scared like everyone else was. Even Mikan, with her nullifying power, cowered before him.

Speaking of Mikan, she came springing through the forest, gasping for air. "Permy told me what you did! Leave her alone! She's new, Natsume." She was obviously exhausted from running after them.

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about about it?"

She smiled. "I asked Narumi Sensei to meet me here." Natsume looked as if he was ready to kill. She was pushing all the wrong buttons and he felt the insistent need to burn something, anything. He grabbed the girl by the face and she fell backwards from the shock of him grabbing her. He fell on top but still held her face firmly.

"Make him leave or I'll burn her face."

Too late for her, Narumi Sensei popped out from the bushes, smiling stupidly. His smile quickly faded when he saw Natsume mounted on the new girl from England. "Natsume…" That was all Natsume needed to send a ball of fire his way. Mikan, being Mikan, jumped in front of Naru Sensei. The ball of fire engulfed her and Natsume quickly attempted to reign the fire in before she was seriously burnt. But… she didn't even scream.

Instead, the girl he had underneath him started to writhe in pain. Her eyes squeezed shut and she grabbed handfuls of his shirt, her fists gripped tightly. Sweat broke out on her forehead and she let out a struggled scream that rung through the forest, making everyone's blood run cold. She then clamped her mouth shut. He looked back at Mikan who was unusually calm. No pain spread across her face… nothing. It was as if there wasn't any pain at all.

Tears sprang from Hope's eyes and ran down her face. "Natsume! Turn off the fire!" Yelled Ruka as Hope strained under Natsume, who seemed frozen in shock from her reaction.  
He withdrew the fire and Hope went limp. She was breathing heavily… To Natsume, it was… erotic, in a way. He pushed that thought of his mind as quickly as he possibly could. "You win…" She took in a shaky breath.

"Huh?"

"You made me cry, you win."

"Yeah… I win…" For some reason, he didn't get the satisfaction he usually got out of stuff like this. He felt guilty, and even a bit sad as he hovered above her while she started to regulate her breathing. Everyone was watching her, her little episode was unexplained and Mikan's obvious lack of pain when Natsume burned her was odd…

What happened to the pain?

**I hope you liked it! Hope's not a bad character, she's better as time goes on. She's not afraid of much, even though she didn't really give that impression when she first entered the classroom XD And, let's face it, we can see a possible relationship blooming between Hope and Natsume! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again. So, I'm updating quickly right now because I had pre written a lot of chapters… So, yeah **** Lucky you! :D I do realize my first chapter was quite weak… It didn't really leave you wanting more . I apologize! Please keep reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice**

"I'm so sorry for making you worry, Mikan!" apologized Hope after being introduced. She had been transported to the infirmary on Natsume's unwilling shoulder. "But, I really am fine. I didn't need to go to the hospital…"

"Yes you did! You had some sort of fit!" Mikan was nervously pacing around, still gawking at the fact that she wasn't burned by Natsume after being engulfed by flames. Ruka and Narumi sensei had left to inform the other teachers of what had happened to the new student.

"She is fine, actually." The doctor entered the room with an air of supremacy and a clipboard. He pushed up his glasses. "It's normal, considering her track record in hospitals." His glasses slid down his nose again. "Five broken bones, seventeen cases of extreme blood loss, twenty four admissions to hospitals. You need to take better care of yourself by the sounds of it." He sighed. "It's amazing you're still alive." 

Mikan and Natsume stared at her in disbelief. "Twenty four admissions! That's impossible!"

"What an idiot." muttered Natsume, who was still sulking about what had happened earlier. He couldn't deny he felt guilty about making those naturally (and stupidly) happy eyes cry. And… He still felt his heart being gripped unlike ever before and he didn't understand it. It was painful and pleasant at the same time. 

"It appears as if you'll be becoming a regular in here with your Alice…" The doctor placed a few pills next to her bed. "We'll keep you overnight, but nothing seems to be wrong anymore. Take these for the pain." He gestured at the pills. He left, the door creaking behind him, leaving the three teenagers alone in the room.

"How are you still alive!" exclaimed Mikan. "You look so healthy!"

It was true, even while laying against the pale sheets and the less than flattering lighting, she looked rather healthy. She had a pink blush to her cheeks that glowed. Her eyes were still round and bright and she seemed in high spirits. "The real question is, what's your Alice?" Natsume was standing in the corner and staring intently. It would make any normal person uncomfortable, but she seemed to be oblivious to the world around her.

"I guess I can tell you now. My Alice is pain. I can take away people's pain and feel it for myself, instead. It's rather useful in situations like this, though it's hard to prove to other people… And it always ends up quite painfully. The last time I tried explaining my Alice a kid jumped out of the window. I was in the hospital for days."

"Why don't you have any burns?" Mikan looked worried and inspected Hope's arms curiously, searching for the blisters.

"They never reached my skin. The pain starts on the inside, so that's the first to burn. If you had left the fire on then you would be able to see the burns."

"That's terrible! And you don't have any choice in doing this!"

"No, I have a choice and I choose it every time. Even if it was my worst enemy I'd take away the pain. With an Alice like this, I feel it's my duty… In a way… I want to protect everyone, even people that don't deserve protecting." The sun was sinking in the sky and Mikan and Natsume would have to leave soon. Hope tugged at the band keeping up her hair and it fell around her face in waves that cascaded down her back elegantly. Natsume felt like he couldn't breathe. He had to hate her, he had to otherwise she'd be his weakness.

"What an idiot. You're so selfish." He radiated hate towards her.

"I am?"

"Yes. Because of you, Mikan and I have to sit with you and listen to you complain about your Alice. And Ruka and Narume Sensei (not that I give a shit about him) were forced to explain you to the other teachers. How is that not selfish? Everything's revolving around you. 

"Natsume!" cried Mikan, attempting to clamp his mouth shut with her hand.

"I won't deny that I'm selfish… But the reason that all of that happened was because you wanted to make me cry, remember? You got what you wanted… why are you still mad? She was un-humanly calm. It made Natsume want to hurl fire at her until she begged for mercy. Or… Maybe he would just make her beg for mercy, that would do as well. Natsume blushed for a split second and pushed that thought out of his head as well. He didn't like her that way. She was a bother, a pest, a child. Someone that needed constant supervision.

"I'm mad because it's your damn fault. Why don't you go back to where you came from?" 

"Believe me, I would if I could. At least the people there didn't blame other people for what was their fault." She crossed her arms and sent him an annoyed look.

"You bitch. You deserve all the pain you got today."

"Perhaps." She raised a finger to her lips and pondered that accusation.

"Why don't' you wipe that stupid look off your face? Otherwise I really will burn you this time."

"You can't. My Alice won't let me feel pain that you try to inflict on my body. I only feel other people's pain." She grinned "Too bad for you."

He growled and grabbed Mikan by one of her braids "Then I'll burn her. You won't let your new friend burn, would you?"

"I wouldn't let anyone burn. That's the difference between you and I. I save people while you hurt them. Why don't you grow up and stop threatening people?" She sighed and thought for a moment. "But, if it really will make you happy, go ahead." She sent him a smug look, knowing he wouldn't dare.

He shook his head and let Mikan go, frustrated. What the hell was that girl doing to his mind! What a creep, she was so weird. She was an idiot, a horrible, stupid person that didn't deserve to be in Alice Academy. "Forget it, you're boring me now."

She smiled dumbly and said happily, "Okay!" He burned with anger and started to walk to the door. Before he could open it, someone else did from the other side and rolled in a tray covered with a white cloth. This doctor was a different doctor than before.

"You two need to leave now."

"Why?" Mikan pouted just like a child. "Visitor's are still allowed for twenty more minutes!"

Natsume eyed the covered tray. "I know, but we need to perform a simple procedure on her tonight…" He took off the sheet on the tray revealing a single earring with a chain on it. It had two places where a stud would go in, one in the regular earlobe, the other in the cartilage, both connected by a silver chain. It looked normal to the untrained eye, but Natsume knew different. They were suppressor earrings, meant to suppress her Alice with painful electric sparks. He had two earrings of his own, but he was strong enough to render them useless. He wasn't so confident about her. "We just want to pierce her ears.

"But I don't want my ears pierced." She shrank against the bed. She was naïve and Natsume felt a pang of pity for her, but only for a moment, because the earring's hurt like hell when they were put in. She would probably scream and cry just like everyone else who get them in did.

"Sorry, but it's the school's regulations." Why would she need them, though? Her Alice didn't seem dangerous to anyone except to herself.. "You two had best be leaving now." Hope was sitting up, her back to the wall that her bed was against. Obviously, she understood exactly what those were and what they meant.

They both walked out slowly, the last words they heard were "I'm not dangerous."

"Natsume…" said Mikan, her voice tiny "Why would they put those on her? She saved me, she's not dangerous."

"You don't know anything about her. She was obviously transferred for a reason. Don't trust her so readily, idiot."

"But she's so kind and so pretty."

"Pretty?" Natsume scoffed.

"Don't you think so? She has the prettiest eyes…"

"Don't trust someone just because they're pretty. That's so stupid."

"So, you agree that she's pretty then? 

"No."

"You're a liar Natsume, and you know she's not bad."

"I don't know anything." He scowled as they walked back towards their dorm rooms, only imaging the scene that was happening in Hope's hospital room. He hoped the doctor was gentle because the earrings could burn like fire… She seemed to be able to take pain, but he didn't want her to scream.

He wanted to make her scream.

"Wait… did he think that? No… He didn't. He couldn't have. He didn't even know her and she was an annoying person. A dumb idiot who was ugly. She didn't even deserve a moment of his time. A worthless parasite feeding off of everyone around her. A worthless parasite with a smile that made him want to protect and destroy her innocence with everything he had.

**Whatdya think! :D A bit more interesting? I hope so ^_^**

**Review if you want to. If you don't, then don't bother, but I'd appreciate it! :D **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three! :D This is actually going kinda quickly! I'm enjoying writing **** Poor Hope… I actually feel kind of sorry for her for needing subjugation earrings But, I guess you guys don't know why yet. :P JUST KEEP READING! *cue dramatic music***

Natsume didn't sleep well. He just lay on his side, looking out the window at all the stars. He wanted to help that girl, he knew Persona would be interested in her… Not just anyone got the subjugation jewelry… And his memories flashed beneath his closed eyelids whenever he dared to blink. It marked you as dangerous. Most weren't as dangerous as he was, but people made sure to keep their distance.

It was as if you were contagious.

A plague upon humanity…

Hope didn't sleep well either. She tossed and turned on the squeaky bed, her tears drying on her face. She didn't feel the pain she should've felt, but she felt so trapped…

She missed home, she missed her brother… She felt lonely, and scared. She didn't have anywhere else to go, she couldn't run anymore. She felt a small sharp pain in her chest from a patient in the next room and the sparks from the earrings quickly reacted making her groan in frustration.

It was going to be a long night.

At least they were finally taking her seriously.

In the morning, Mikan woke up early to greet Hope coming out of the hospital. She smiled happily to herself for making a new friend. She started to walk towards the hospital when she passed by Natsume's usual hiding place, under the tree.

He was sitting wide away, reading a manga magazine. "Natsume!" called Mikan. She waved and walked up to him, sparing a few moments to ask what he was doing up so early. He looked exhausted.

He beat her to the question. "What are you doing up so early?" He didn't even look up from his book, his head still bent over the pictures.

"I'm going to go and meet Hope… You should too, you know, because you were rude to her yesterday… and you burnt her." Her voice got smaller.

"Whatever." He went back to reading his manga, ignoring Mikan. She "humphed" and continued on her way.

_Stupid Natsume… Always making people mad or sad. He only does it 'cause he's mad and sad too, he wants people to understand… He wants them to feel what he feels. _

She was disheartened and slowed her pace, dragging her feet. She once tried to save him, to make him happy. But he just pushed her away too. He pushed everyone away… Making everyone feel just as lonely as he felt.

She turned to see the hospital, still obviously in low spirits. She stopped.

Natsume was standing at the entrance already, just staring up at the building like an idiot. She stood concealed by the shrubs around her as he reluctantly opened the glass door. She smiled softly and turned around to head back home. It made her sad to think that someone else may succeed where she failed, but everyone, even Natsume, deserved to be happy… So she would stop trying to be the one to make him happy. Even she could see who he wanted to make him happy. And it wasn't her…

Natsume walked up to the third floor where her room was. He didn't bother knocking and opened the door. She was only half dressed. Her plaid skirt, shoes, and stockings were on. But… her upper half was only clad with a black bra and she held the shirt above her head, ready to put it on. Talk about bad timing.

She yelped and he sat on the bed casually. "What the hell are you doing here!" She quickly tugged the shirt on, madly trying to do up the buttons. Her face was glowing red and her hands were fumbling with the buttons, shaking slightly.

"I've come to pick you up from the hospital since no one else wanted to." That was a lie, but he didn't' care. "Hurry up, I want to leave. It's your fault I had to wake up this early." Another lie. Wow, he was on a role.

"Again you keep blaming me. You chose to wake up, didn't you?" She held her hair up, holding the hair band in her mouth delicately. It made Natsume wonder what other things she could do with her mouth. She smoothed her hair before tying the hair band deftly, leaving her hair in a bouncy ponytail. "Besides, who asked you to come here?"

He didn't bother to answer. "Why do you even bother wearing a bra? You have nothing to put in it." He smirked.

She narrowed her eyes. "You wear pants, don't you?"

**It's short, sorry . The weather here's too beautiful to ignore and I wanna go outside… :D See ya!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Still writing! I hope you all like it :3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice… **** I do own my imagination though *evil laughter***

The two walked back in silence. It was awkward, made them both feel like they were suffocating. They both seemed to be lost in thought.

Hopes thoughts: Maybe he really does hate me.  
Natusmes thoughts: Maybe I really don't hate her.  
Hopes thoughts: It wouldn't be the first time… At least we have some common ground.  
Natumes thoughts: No one hates her, I bet… And she obviously sees the earrings as a weakness… Damn…  
Hopes thoughts: He keeps glaring at me…  
Natsumes thoughts: Am I glaring at her?

Yeah… You get the gist of it.

"How do you like your new earrings?" His tone was innocent and curious, but we all know he isn't either of those things.

She glanced at him. "You know exactly how much I like them. I like them just as much as you like yours." They sparkled in the sunlight and gleamed powerfully. "One mistake, it was only one mistake and now I've got these." She huffed and quickened her pace considerably. Natsume kept up with no trouble, it took two of her steps to equal one of his.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing… what about you?"

"Nothing." They both fell silent, each scowling at the ground.

"Sure…" She went back to chewing her lip. "Want to play a game?"

"No."

"You're no fun." She pouted and her shoulders lowered as if she was deflating.

"And you're not pretty, the world isn't perfect." Natsume crossed his arms, no longer amused by her.

"So what if I'm not pretty? It doesn't really matter in the long run." Little did she know, Natsume was dazzled. He loved how she bit her lip until it was pink and glossy, her constant blush made her cuter than anyone he'd ever seen before, and her eyes held such fire in them that it rivaled even his Alice.

"Yes it matters. You'll never get a boyfriend the way you are."

"What about bravery? Or intelligence? Don't those things matter?"

"Are you saying you're brave?"

"Braver than you."

"What makes you think that?" He glared at her.

"You only inflict pain. That's a cowards job. Anyone can hurt someone. It takes someone braver than that to save someone." She met his glare with a look of pure innocence.

"Who are you to act so high and mighty?" He fueled with anger inside.

"Just someone who can feel the pain of the world." She said this matter-of-factly, not bothering to look at him.

"That doesn't make you special, you know. I don't think any higher of you."

"I hope you wouldn't. It's not something I'm proud of. It hurts me every day. I feel the sadness around me suffocating me slowly as if it wants me to burn out. And the real pain, while it may seem like the worst pain, is something I would gladly take over all the anger and hurt I see people try to deal with on a daily basis. I can't help that pain… And I'm selfish to try and help people, because I just hurt myself in the process. Nothing to be proud of." She paused. "It's a self harm thing."

"It's an idiot thing." He mumbled.

She smiled. "That too."

He paused, trying to swallow his anger. "Are you ever going to tell me why you're dangerous?"

"Are you ever going to call me pretty?" She shook her head, she meant it as a close of the conversation. But, he took it a step further.

"You are pretty." It came out choppy and cold, but the words came out all the same.

"That wasn't the case a few minutes ago."

"You look better when the sun's on you." It was true, the sun had risen over the clouds and they lit her up as if she were an angel. She scoffed, rather un-angel like.

"You must really want that answer." Natsume hid a grin under an indifferent scowl. She thought for a second. "I guess there's no harm in telling you… You're just as dangerous as I am, so I think you can understand…" She inspected him with her eyes, boring deep into his soul. It took everything for him not to look away.

"Hurry up."

"Along with taking pain, I can inflict it."

"That's normal, others can do the same."

"No… I can take every broken bone, every burn, every cut, every bruise and work it into one chaotic ball of pain and inflict it on someone. That's not really the bad bit though… I can't stop it once it starts. They usually stay alive for a day or two before dying from the excruciating pain."

"Have you killed someone?"

"Yes." No hesitation.

"So, you're a murderer." He meant it as a teasing joke, those things worked on Mikan.

She stopped walking, halting in her tracks. "I'm no murderer." Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. "I was so little… I made a mistake, I… I… I didn't understand. I couldn't, I was so little." Tears started to roll down her face. "I didn't mean it, I really didn't. He pushed me and shoved my face in the snow. It hurt and I wanted him to feel it too… But I hurt him so bad and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't, all I could do was cry and hold his hand." She was sobbing, in hysterics. Natsume remained quiet. "My parents saw… They aw and found out about my Alice. My mom wanted me to go away forever, never to look at me again. But my dad still thought I could be good. But he died… and with him left my freedom. I was shipped away, never been home since." She hiccupped. "I've kept switching schools, waiting until my past caught up with me… I never wanted these suppressors. All I wanted was… I wanted…"

"You wanted to save people."

She looked up, shocked that he was even listening. Her face was pink from crying. "Wha-"

"You just want to save people, right? You're one of those idiots that feel good because of it." She nodded slowly, transfixed by him. "You have to let it go, it was a mistake, right?" She nodded again, childlike in her manners. "You won't do it again, will you?" She shook her head no furiously. "Then you're fine."

"How can you know I'm telling the truth?"

"You may be a moron, but you're not a liar. Hurry up, we're late for class." He started walking and heard her footsteps run to catch up with him.

**Pretty dramatic and dark, sorry about that, but that's her story in a very quick summarization. Of course, it will get deeper over time. Never fun to grow up in a place where people hate you and think you're a murderer. D=**

**And Natsume is SUCH a hard character to write! Props to the original writer for creating him. **


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